In this tutorial we have a Band 7 essay graded by an.

First the essay can be read by you, and directly after we break down which sentences helped this essay score a Band 7.

Each criteria has been considered additionally the sentence in the essay has been colour coded to correspond towards the fours marking criteria used by the British Council / IELTS IDP.

This tutorial shall assist you to understand:

• How a Band is got by an essay 7
• What sentence structures and language becomes necessary for a Band 7
• Ways to link ideas smoothly

The population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people at the present time. Do the advantages with this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It really is well known that some countries have a population with an increase of people that are young old people. Even this fact might have both pros and cons, In my experience the positive implications of experiencing a youthful population over-weigh the negative ones. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages giving examples to support both point of view.

On one hand, having more younger people may lead to a lack of professionals when you look at the society. Older population may be more educated compared to young one, this might be being why they usually have had more time to study a career that is professional their lives. For instance, to be a specialist physician it is needed at the least a decade of university studies and also this might not be able for a adult that is young. In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s may have been through a complete lot in life and so they may be much more ready to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This may make it possible to form a less society that is stressful. Lastly, younger populations will probably have higher level of crime, this could be because young people have more energy to commit crime than old people. A report from the University of Chile indicated that in the south of Chile, where in fact the population is mainly young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice higher than into the north where all of the population where in their 50’s and older.

On the other hand, youthful populations have been in general more active and more happy. This might be them to work more and maintain them-self more active because they have less old age-associated illness leading. Contributing to the truth that healthy people could work more proficiently, using this they can subscribe to the economy associated with the country, earning profits in place of spending. For example, the simple truth is that old societies fork out a lot of money in health due to their citizens that are old. Another positive facet of having adult that is young is there are more chances of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have more some time more energy than old people to practice and start to become an excellent sport professional. In soccer most of the players retires from their soccer-career if they turn thirty years old. With old people there would be no time and energy to start an activity career. And last but not least, young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities when it comes to community. This might be since they are more proactive in organize those activities and in addition almost certainly going to be involved in them. Old people could be too tired to go out.

The disadvantages to conclude with the arguments given above, I firmly believe that the advantages of youthful population. And even though, there are positive aspects of having an older population
that individuals should think about.

It is well known that some countries have a population with an increase of people that are young old people (TR1). Even (CC1) this particular fact could have both pros and cons, In (GR1) my opinion the positive implications of having a population that is youthful the negative ones (TR2). This essay will talk about the advantages and disadvantages (LR1) giving examples to support both point of view.

TR1 – Good to start by paraphrasing the question.

CC1 – Check the meaning / use of ‘even’.
GR1 – Check your utilization of punctuation.
TR2 – Good to state your opinion clearly paper writer.
LR1 – A bit repetitive. Make an effort to vary your usage of vocabulary if you’re able to.

On one hand (CC2) / (TR3) having more younger people may lead to a lack of professionals into the society. Older population may be much more educated as compared to young one, this is being why LR2 that is( they have had additional time to study a professional career throughout their lifes (LR3) . For example (CC3) / (TR4) , to be a specialist physician it really is needed at least 10 years of university studies and this might not be able for a adult that is young (GR3). In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s (LR4) may have been through a complete lot in life (LR5) and so they may become more willing to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This may help to form a less society that is stressful. Lastly, younger populations will likely have high rate of crime, this could be because young people have significantly more energy to commit crime than old people. A research through the University of Chile (TR5) showed that when you look at the south of Chile, where in fact the population is mostly young (GR4) , the rate of robs (LR6) and crimes where twice greater than when you look at the north where a lot of the population where within their 50’s and older.

CC2 – an phrase that is appropriate introduce your first ‘body paragraph’.

TR3 – Good organisation / use of paragraphing.
LR2 – because
LR3 life that is–singular), lives (plural)
CC3 – Appropriate language to introduce an illustration.
TR4 – Good to add an example to aid your idea.
GR3 – Some problems with sentence structure here. Perhaps ‘specialist physicians require at least… and young adults have never yet had time for you to accumulate this knowledge..’?
LR4 – Perhaps ‘who are over fifty’.
LR5 – Perhaps a little regarding the side that is informal but lovely natural usage of language.
TR5 – Again, good to make use of examples to aid your comments.
GR4 – Accurate use of a relative clause.
LR6 – Take care here. ‘Rob’ is a verb – and the noun is ‘robbery’.

On the other side hand (CC4) / (TR6), youthful populations are in general more vigorous and more happy. This might be because (CC5) they will have less old illness that is age-associated them to operate more and maintain them-self more active (LR7) . Contributing to the truth that healthy people can work more efficiently, using this they can play a role in the economy for the country, earning profits in place of spending (GR4) . As an example, it is a fact that old societies spend a lot of cash in health because of their old citizens (LR8) . Another positive facet of having young adult populations is there are more chances of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have significantly more some time more energy than
old people to practice and turn an sport professional that is excellent. In soccer a lot of the players retires (GR5) from their soccer-career when they turn thirty years old (LR9 ). With old people there would be no right time and energy to start an activity career. And last but most certainly not least (CC6) , young societies are more likely to have outdoor activities when it comes to community. This might be since they’re more proactive in organize those activities as well as prone to participate in them. Old people may be too tired to venture out.